Why Respecting Boundaries is a Form of Love

Loving someone means moving toward them and seeking their well-being and interests. Seeking their welfare often entails seeing them for who they are here and now, and not as you imagine them to be, and respecting boundaries they consider important.

For example, some people are huggers, but other people simply aren’t, and hugging them doesn’t feel like you’re loving them. That can be a tough pill to swallow for the person who views hugs as the physical embodiment of love. However, that’s what it means for us to be individuals. We’re wired differently, and that’s okay.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are like an invisible line between two people that keep them separate and distinct as individuals. In the example above, there was a boundary regarding hugging. That boundary is something that helps the two distinguish themselves from each other, and it helps prevent them from collapsing their personalities and individuality into an amalgam of the two.

Boundaries, in other words, allow individuals to remain themselves so they can have their needs met and they can be loved according to their personalities and inclinations.

Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or anything else. A person may not like public displays of affection, or they may guard their digital presence fiercely by refusing to have photos of themselves posted online.

Others have boundaries such as not wanting to be shouted at, or they may have a zero-tolerance policy for any breaches of trust such as infidelity or telling another person their secrets.

Respecting healthy boundaries is loving

It may be tempting to get offended if your friend or loved one sets up a boundary. Instinctually it may seem like they’re putting up a barrier, or it can even come off as being pretentious to insist on being treated a certain way.

However, we all have boundaries, expressed or otherwise. It’s a good thing to know and communicate your boundaries to the people around you, as that can help them know how to love you best.

Consider yourself for a moment.

• Do you like it if someone rummages through your things?
• How do you feel if someone gets in your personal space by sitting too close to you?
• Do you feel comfortable if someone takes a sip from your glass?
• Are you okay with a loved one accessing your phone, or having all of your email, banking, and social media account passwords?

Perhaps these things don’t bother you, or maybe it feels a little invasive. We all have boundaries, and those boundaries, when they are healthy, are important for preserving your sense of self. Respecting the healthy boundaries of another person is a way to practice the second great commandment that Jesus gave us: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39, NIV)

Healthy boundaries are necessary for well-being, but unhealthy boundaries can be a form of control, and respecting those is ultimately not loving or safe. For instance, if a friend doesn’t want you to be friends with other people, that sounds like a toxic friend, and that boundary shouldn’t be respected.

Developing appreciation for your own and others’ boundaries

Being able to grow in appreciation of your boundaries requires seeing the value of your individuality and how God made you. Insisting on your healthy boundaries being respected is good for you and your relationships.

Growing in appreciation of the boundaries of others requires empathy. Sometimes seeing your boundaries in operation helps you to appreciate others’ boundaries that may look nothing like yours.

You can learn to appreciate and form boundaries of your own with help from a counselor. They can also help you appreciate and respect others’ boundaries for healthier relationships.

Your counselor can help you understand the value of healthy boundaries as well as discover any unhelpful thought patterns that feed either into unhealthy boundaries or not wanting to maintain and enforce your boundaries.

This deep soul work is important for your well-being, and it can help you avoid codependent behaviors. If you need help with your boundaries, don’t hesitate to seek help from a counselor at Saginaw Christian Counseling in Texas today.