How to Talk to Your Spouse about Marriage Counseling

It can be difficult to suggest marriage counseling to your spouse. For many, counseling is a sensitive topic that brings up an array of feelings and responses. Bringing up a sensitive topic like marriage counseling with your spouse can be intimidating, especially if you don’t know how they will respond.

How to Discuss Marriage Counseling with Your Spouse

Since this is a potentially challenging conversation here are some things to consider when discussing marriage counseling with your spouse:

Choose the right time and place.

You need to talk to your spouse in a comfortable environment that is quiet and allows you both to talk without distractions. It is also important to choose a time when you’re both relatively calm to avoid arguing. Privacy is also important. It is not something to discuss in front of the family or out in public.

Share your concerns.

Start the conversation by sharing your honest concerns about how your relationship is going. Make sure to avoid casting blame. Using “I” statements is a helpful way to share your feelings and avoid blaming or accusing your partner. For example, “I feel overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities I have in the house.” Or “I am struggling at work and feel frustrated when I come home.”

Use kind, non-judgmental language.

The goal is that you and your spouse grow closer as a couple. Talk about counseling in a way that emphasizes your desire to work with your spouse to make your relationship stronger. Be kind in the words you use as well as your body language. It can even help to talk slowly and quietly to keep the atmosphere calm.

Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings.

Make sure you give your spouse time to share how they feel. Avoid interrupting them. Listen thoughtfully and respond with empathy. It may feel difficult, especially if you have a different opinion, but it can make a big difference.

Highlight the benefits.

Share your specific reasons for considering marriage counseling. Emphasize that counseling is a tool you can try together to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and enhance your relationship.

Normalize counseling.

Counseling is a healthy, normal tool people can use to make their lives better and their relationships stronger. Share that seeking professional help is common and healthy. Normalize the idea that counseling isn’t an admission of failure, but an opportunity for growth as a couple.

Offer options.

If you come into this with everything already planned, it can feel like an ambush. Instead, suggest a few potential counselors or counseling approaches you’ve researched. This shows your spouse that you have invested time and thought into this. Ask your spouse if they would like to look into things and then set a time to come back together to talk again. It doesn’t all have to be decided at once.

Be patient.

Your spouse may need time to process the feelings and information you share. Give them time to consider the idea and what you discussed. This will help them feel less pressured to respond.

Respect their feelings.

Some people may be hesitant or resistant to the idea of marriage counseling. Respect their feelings and avoid pressuring them. Remind them that counseling is about both of you working together for a stronger, healthier relationship.

Revisit the conversation.

Your spouse may need additional time to think and consider everything you’ve talked about. It may take time for them to get used to the idea of counseling. Plan a time to revisit the topic. You can also tell your spouse that you’d like to talk about this more after they’ve had a chance to reflect.

Seek help.

If your partner is on board, you can work together to find a counselor you both feel comfortable with. Be sure to find someone that works with your schedule in a convenient location. This will increase the likelihood that you and your spouse commit to counseling.

If they are not agreeable to counseling, you can seek help for yourself to begin with. A professional counselor can help you address the aspects of your relationship that you can control. They can also offer ideas for how you can continue to talk to your spouse about counseling without nagging them.

Finding Christian Marriage Therapy

A Christian counselor is a great resource for you and your spouse. Start your journey toward a healthier, stronger marriage together with marriage counseling. Contact one of the counselors at Saginaw Christian Counseling in Texas to learn more. If you don’t know where to start, simply reach out to our reception team for more information.