Kate Motaung

It can be difficult to suggest marriage counseling to your spouse. For many, counseling is a sensitive topic that brings up an array of feelings and responses. Bringing up a sensitive topic like marriage counseling with your spouse can be intimidating, especially if you don’t know how they will respond. How to Discuss Marriage Counseling with Your Spouse Since this is a potentially challenging conversation here are some things to consider when discussing marriage counseling with your spouse: Choose the right time and place. You need to talk to your spouse in a comfortable environment that is quiet and allows you both to talk without distractions. It is also important to choose a time when you’re both relatively calm to avoid arguing. Privacy is also important. It is not something to discuss in front of the family or out in public. Share your concerns. Start the conversation by sharing your honest concerns about how your relationship is going. Make sure to avoid casting blame. Using “I” statements is a helpful way to share your feelings and avoid blaming or accusing your partner. For example, “I feel overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities I have in the house.” Or “I am struggling at work and feel frustrated when I come home.” Use kind, non-judgmental language. The goal is that you and your spouse grow closer as a couple. Talk about counseling in a way that emphasizes your desire to work with your spouse to make your relationship stronger. Be kind in the words you use as well as your body language. It can even help to talk slowly and quietly to keep the atmosphere calm. Acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. Make sure you give your spouse time to share how they feel. Avoid interrupting them. Listen thoughtfully and respond with empathy. It [...]

Loving someone means moving toward them and seeking their well-being and interests. Seeking their welfare often entails seeing them for who they are here and now, and not as you imagine them to be, and respecting boundaries they consider important. For example, some people are huggers, but other people simply aren’t, and hugging them doesn’t feel like you’re loving them. That can be a tough pill to swallow for the person who views hugs as the physical embodiment of love. However, that’s what it means for us to be individuals. We’re wired differently, and that’s okay. What are boundaries? Boundaries are like an invisible line between two people that keep them separate and distinct as individuals. In the example above, there was a boundary regarding hugging. That boundary is something that helps the two distinguish themselves from each other, and it helps prevent them from collapsing their personalities and individuality into an amalgam of the two. Boundaries, in other words, allow individuals to remain themselves so they can have their needs met and they can be loved according to their personalities and inclinations. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or anything else. A person may not like public displays of affection, or they may guard their digital presence fiercely by refusing to have photos of themselves posted online. Others have boundaries such as not wanting to be shouted at, or they may have a zero-tolerance policy for any breaches of trust such as infidelity or telling another person their secrets. Respecting healthy boundaries is loving It may be tempting to get offended if your friend or loved one sets up a boundary. Instinctually it may seem like they’re putting up a barrier, or it can even come off as being pretentious to insist on being treated a certain way. However, we [...]